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Post by Dreamcatcher on Feb 28, 2004 9:20:31 GMT -5
The sorcerer of darkness descended,
Embedding its malignant cancer.
Taunting the mind, sanity suspended,
Eddies of blackness swirling to answer.
Plunging into a morose sepulcher,
Imprisoned by spectral arms of pain.
Meaningless time, eternities lure,
An end of torment and self distain.
A sunless world devoid of feeling,
in negative forms of black and white.
An endless black void revealing,
A world deemed forever night.
Joy, an alien sensation long lost,
Happiness no longer remembered.
Sinking into a pit, boundary crossed,
I welcome sleep, forever rendered
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Post by richie on Feb 28, 2004 11:19:29 GMT -5
this is superior inspired metrical verse, of great potential
I have tried this myself with the poem you kindly commented on and another not yet completed [angel]
I like to try this form myself so I know how differcult it is you conveyed a certain rhyme and Imagery here which I have seldom seen, contemporary and artilculated I would not touch the poem in any way though I wonder if a two line parenthetical close would add just that perfect end.
thanks for posting this.
regards Richie.
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sweetest17sin
Virtuoso
don't frown! you never know who's falling in love with your smile!
Posts: 252
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Post by sweetest17sin on Feb 28, 2004 13:25:42 GMT -5
nice job on this one.
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Post by bloodredtears on Feb 28, 2004 15:06:22 GMT -5
another great piece dreamcatcher...keep up the great work!
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Post by SilverEyes on Feb 28, 2004 15:09:36 GMT -5
I love the flow of this piece and the darker imagery. Great write.
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Chaotic_Thetis
Apprentice
Bleed me! For i have witnessed yet remained silent.Slay me! For i had your love and kept it.
Posts: 142
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Post by Chaotic_Thetis on Feb 29, 2004 14:06:25 GMT -5
Nicely written, the rhyming scheme went almost unnoticable which in it's own way adds a nicely hidden effect that one doesn't catch on till you actually "see" that the words would rhyme. "An end of tormen and self distain" that would have been a powerful final line to whole the pice.
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Post by JosephScottMorris on Mar 2, 2004 13:55:19 GMT -5
A great write and I enjoyed the rhyme scheme used as well. ;DJoe
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Post by Beskhu3epnm on Mar 20, 2004 22:55:42 GMT -5
Love the rhyme scheme! I find it extremely difficult to write like that! Well done!  |
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Seth
Virtuoso
Root Beer Float
Play something country!
Posts: 411
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Post by Seth on Mar 22, 2004 16:16:41 GMT -5
 Wow, I'm awestruck by this piece... The title caught my attention and your words kept me hooked... I'm in love with this poem... Magnificent write!
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