Moonlit Vision

Avatre
Novice

Just around for the words...^.^

Posts: 33

Moonlit Vision Feb 21, 2004 18:04:23 GMT -5

Quote

Post by Avatre on Feb 21, 2004 18:04:23 GMT -5

Moonlit Vision

Thy bright eyes stare at me
Blank, lifeless, unable to see
The shock passed by quickly before
Thy voice will be heard never more

A cold hand gripped in mine
Spirit encased in silver shine
Mouth frozen in shock for ever
In my nightmares I’ll remember

No light but this shows my fear
The silver light shows one silver tear
But nothing can truly be taken back
The past is gone, the future black

Silver light glints across a silver charm
As others step back, fearing harm
A song sent up to the velvet night sky
A song for the sorrow of watching you die

Snow drifts to freeze the dying in ice
The justice administered by roll of the dice
What’s fair has been measured-one thing left to do
Hope for the final understanding from you

~ Avatre

bloodredtears Legend I don't entirely think I've had enough rum to allow that kind of talk. Posts: 1,164	Moonlit Vision Feb 21, 2004 20:51:33 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by bloodredtears on Feb 21, 2004 20:51:33 GMT -5 wow...this is a very deep poem..i really enjoyed it...great job avatre
	Poetry copyright of Bloodredtears Summer has flown its nest, as the days swiftly turn to fall and we start to roost in the bosom of winter.

SilverEyes Poet Laureate Silver eyes crying crimson tears. Posts: 609	Moonlit Vision Feb 21, 2004 22:10:23 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by SilverEyes on Feb 21, 2004 22:10:23 GMT -5 What beautiful descriptions and wonderful flow. I love it, wonderful write.
	You know I'm dying to live Until I'm ready I'm ready to die ~Jonny Lang~

amberputis Virtuoso ~Dreams are determined by our hearts, and our dreams design the future~ Posts: 330	Moonlit Vision Feb 22, 2004 14:45:36 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by amberputis on Feb 22, 2004 14:45:36 GMT -5 True, this is very deep, which I have to thank you for sharing, beautiful write!
	Amber

serenepoetress
Apprentice

Posts: 84

Moonlit Vision Feb 22, 2004 21:12:30 GMT -5

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Post by serenepoetress on Feb 22, 2004 21:12:30 GMT -5

A very impressive piece! I may be off base but here goes...
As I read this poem I imagined a deathrow inmate's execution which usually occurs at the stroke of midnight, the silver charm referenced perhaps a ministers crucifix, the coldness referenced put me in mind of the sterile chamber where the doomed prisoner is strapped down knowing full well: "nothing can truly be taken back. The past is gone, the future black".... EXCELLENT!!!

Copyright 2004
Laura Mae Oldham-Brownell

richie Virtuoso Posts: 302	Moonlit Vision Feb 23, 2004 14:58:40 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by richie on Feb 23, 2004 14:58:40 GMT -5 this is good very good a perfect sense of place from the start, great imagery throughout, content disturbing though intresting nontheless. excellent work. regards Richie.
	from childhood's hour I have not been as others were-I have not seen as others saw-I could not bring my passions from a common spring from the same sourse I have not taken my sorrow: I could not awaken my heart to joy at the same tone and all I loved I loved alone.

JosephScottMorris Apprentice Posts: 157	Moonlit Vision Feb 24, 2004 19:02:54 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by JosephScottMorris on Feb 24, 2004 19:02:54 GMT -5 Excellent write! ;DJoe

Eclipse Apprentice It's not a matter of luck, it's just a matter of time. Posts: 222	Moonlit Vision Feb 24, 2004 19:30:45 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Eclipse on Feb 24, 2004 19:30:45 GMT -5 the flow in this is marvelous. and your imagery just comes alive to the reader. wonderfully done.
	You saw what you get If you take what you take. Look in the eyes of the test. It's all because... Now there's a feeling I get. When I look to the left. But we can never be sensed. Our searching for a sign.

NeverMore
Virtuoso

Beethoven Looking f*g

Posts: 454

Moonlit Vision Apr 18, 2004 13:14:26 GMT -5

Quote

Post by NeverMore on Apr 18, 2004 13:14:26 GMT -5

It is not often a poem can do to me what this one did. My interpitation of it, reminded me of a time I have sealed away from most people. Very sad, yet, something very dear to my heart. Thank you for this one. Extreamly well written.

rinna(on leave...for eternity) Poet Laureate MIA Quitter surfninja Posts: 610	Moonlit Vision May 11, 2004 3:45:54 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by rinna(on leave...for eternity) on May 11, 2004 3:45:54 GMT -5 this is perfect! excellent job avatre, kudos! x rinna x
	'this life, well it's slipping right through my hands...these days turned out nothing like i had planned...'

Post by Avatre on Feb 21, 2004 18:04:23 GMT -5

Post by bloodredtears on Feb 21, 2004 20:51:33 GMT -5

Post by SilverEyes on Feb 21, 2004 22:10:23 GMT -5

Post by amberputis on Feb 22, 2004 14:45:36 GMT -5

Post by serenepoetress on Feb 22, 2004 21:12:30 GMT -5

Post by richie on Feb 23, 2004 14:58:40 GMT -5

Post by JosephScottMorris on Feb 24, 2004 19:02:54 GMT -5

Post by Eclipse on Feb 24, 2004 19:30:45 GMT -5

Post by NeverMore on Apr 18, 2004 13:14:26 GMT -5

Post by rinna(on leave...for eternity) on May 11, 2004 3:45:54 GMT -5