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Post by serenepoetress on Feb 2, 2004 22:36:26 GMT -5
*I am an admirer of the Olde King's English...I apologize if it is not exactly expressed in proper form, but that was a wee bit before my time.*
Wretched death, thou conquering foe,
Thy foul stench envenoms the air.
Master before loathsome maggots,
Gluttonous fiends flourishing there.
Brittle bones affront fallen flesh,
Garnering the favor of decay.
Dank and dark within thine tomb
Brittle bones shall have their way.
Abhorrent carcass ‘neath yon mound,
Thy epitaph shall ne’er be written.
Stagnant and stale within thine Hell,
Accursed, through sin thus smitten.
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Post by bloodredtears on Feb 2, 2004 22:38:53 GMT -5
oooh...i really really like this piece...i'm not so sure about the correct spelling or usage of Olde King's English myself, but this seems quite good...
i like the darkness that its centered in this piece...great job!
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Post by SilverEyes on Feb 3, 2004 18:23:11 GMT -5
The gruesome descriptions of this piece remind me of the french poet Agrippa D'Aubigne. many of his poems were like this only without the King's English. ;D Anyway, nice write.
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Post by richie on Feb 5, 2004 7:30:25 GMT -5
WOW this hits the spot, profound in every sense great imargery like I said wow?
regards richie
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Post by John Barnett on Feb 5, 2004 16:30:04 GMT -5
Very dark and descriptive, great imagery.
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Mikhael
Novice
...and love is not a victory march/it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah...
Posts: 30
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Post by Mikhael on Feb 6, 2004 23:29:12 GMT -5
interesting, and if you'll excuse me, really really disturbing. old english is nice, but when i start slipping into anything remotely like it (that is, anything with proper grammar) i start sounding like a pompous jakass. you don't seem to have that problem, which is good. your imagery was great, although brutal, which is ok as that is the point. the third line leaves something to be desired. it doesn't quite flow, it's lacking a syllable or something, but you don't have to fix it. it would be difficult since your word choice is so.... i don't know the word. detailed. it seems like your words are just perfect for what you're saying, so to change it would possibly do more harm than good. so don't bother, it's good the way it is, and the language is fun. good job.
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Celestial
Novice
Celestial.Photographer.Poet.
Posts: 72
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Post by Celestial on Mar 1, 2004 11:26:47 GMT -5
Ah, the good ol' Old English. It's so great that you can use old English like this and it still turn out amazing. I can't do that. It sounds crappy when I try so I don't do that anymore hehe but I like the poem and how it was written. Enjoyable and great.
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