Avatre
Novice
Just around for the words...^.^
Posts: 33
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Post by Avatre on Jan 8, 2004 16:14:23 GMT -5
Damned Soul
Wounds not from battle
But by my own hand
Blood drips from my skin
Like an hourglass emptying sand
The tears fall down my face
I thought I had forgotten how to cry
Most days I don't care one way or another
Some days I wait only to die
I drench my soul in misery
Depression claims my mind
I cannot think; I cannot feel
So many things I cannot find
My angelic wings are clipped
My voice sings only woe
I am caged in my heart's sorrow
If only I could let go
Maybe one day I'll be happy to wake
Perhaps one day my tears will dry
Someday I'll watch dawn break and the sun rise
And wish once again to fly
A/N: It's about a fallen angel...
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Post by bloodredtears on Jan 8, 2004 17:16:18 GMT -5
sweet poem...i really liked it...especially the last stanza
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Post by T.J. Barber on Jan 13, 2004 18:58:17 GMT -5
I'm not sure what it means exactly but, hey I enjoyed it.
Great Write...Keep it up!!!
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Post by SilverEyes on Jan 16, 2004 23:46:01 GMT -5
Wow, that was beautiful and the first stanza is my favorite.
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Avatre
Novice
Just around for the words...^.^
Posts: 33
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Post by Avatre on Jan 17, 2004 17:12:12 GMT -5
Hey, thanks to everyone....btw, the poem is kinda composed of separate parts. The first stanza is about cutting his/herself, the second is depression in general and lack of ability to do things, the rest is generally about waiting to "regain lost wings and innocence". Hope that cleared things up. Happy chinese new year!
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Post by serenepoetress on Jan 20, 2004 22:20:35 GMT -5
You penned the plight of an angel that has fallen from grace most eloquently...I for one enjoyed the piece and was very impressed with the flow and fluidity of it...EXCELLENT!
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Chaotic_Thetis
Apprentice
Bleed me! For i have witnessed yet remained silent.Slay me! For i had your love and kept it.
Posts: 142
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Post by Chaotic_Thetis on Jan 27, 2004 14:22:56 GMT -5
I felt it could've been slightly longer, because some stanza's felt like more could be said to truly get the reader to embrace the emotions. However, that said i do feel that the poem itself expressed the somewhat tragic end of the piece. Nicely done.
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amberputis
Virtuoso
~Dreams are determined by our hearts, and our dreams design the future~
Posts: 330
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Post by amberputis on Feb 14, 2004 20:24:05 GMT -5
interesting...
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Feb 15, 2004 15:12:13 GMT -5
Ah. I see. Thoughtful. The rhyming was neat. The words sort of flowed together a bit uncomfortably in the last two stanzas, though. But I still liked it.
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Celestial
Novice
Celestial.Photographer.Poet.
Posts: 72
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Post by Celestial on Mar 1, 2004 11:32:14 GMT -5
The last two lines of the first stanza "Blood drips from my skin
Like an hourglass emptying sand" have to be my favorite. I love the imagery that I got by reading this and even before I say your note, I knew it was of a fallen angel. Beautiful work.
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Post by John Barnett on Mar 11, 2004 14:24:24 GMT -5
This was an amazing write, excellent job, great imagery and word usage. Powerful!
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