Broken Heart Syndrome

[DeadByMorning]

I don't know if it's a disease
but I suffer from
broken heart syndrome.
I could jump off a bridge...
would you care?
I don't think so.
can you see
what you're doing to me?
can you see what you did
to my heart, my life, my joy?
see what you did to my heart?
it's shattered
it's snappped in half
it's broken
it's strewn against the wall
see,
can't you see it?
can you see it
where you threw it
against the wall
saying you never want to
see me again?
see where yu carved it out
and left me to die
letting me bleed
from losing you
but right now
I could care less
cuz you broke my heart...
you shattered it
it's all your faukt
you ripped it out
with help from your new lover
to break me down
did you aim to break me?
did you aim to make me jump?
did you want me gone?
did you aim to lie to me?
I thought you said
you'd never hurt me
well, that's another broken promise
in a line of many.
am I so vulnerable
to as make it easy for you to hurt me?
am I that weak?
did you want to lead me on
then beat and break me down?
did you mean to break my heart?
well, you did,
you broke my heart
and now I suffer
as I'm sure you don't,
from broken heart syndrome...

[Chaotic_Thetis]

It has a good structure, i think it would benefit more if you moved away from the whole "repitiveness" of the poem. In some instances is was effective to really hammer what you're trying to get across, into the reader. Yet, the poem itself didn't seem to move, it felt over repetitive. I didn't feel like you tried to expand on your emotions, that rawness of being hurt and what not.
Anyway, it has definite potential if you ever decide to work on it more.

[bloodredtears]

i really like this piece

I thought you said
you'd never hurt me
well, that's another broken promise
in a line of many.

these lines totally struck a chord in me...i know exactly what it's like to have promises broken time and again...i do think that there is a little bit of repetition that can be taken out, but feelings like this are so hard to explain because they are so twisted inside of you...i thought you did very well expressing your feelings...great job!

[John Barnett]

I love this, it reminds me of a few pieces I wrote once, I can also identify with the feeling and words. Great job, you have such a great talent.

[amberputis]

I agree with Kris...you know when u get on the subject, especially of a broken heart, all thoughts just unwind in its own pattern, kind of uncontrolably. I thought you wrote this very nicely, and i wish this feeling was unknown to me, but its not, i feel your pain...but i keep smiling ;D

[Hunter]

Well written.

[Mikepoet]

I felt your pain and have wondered myself once upon a time if I was even significant enough for her to care that my heart was broken.