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Post by kemleth on Feb 25, 2004 10:17:30 GMT -5
A blank stare, covered by blonde hair.
A track to the vein to increase your beauty.
But not to me...
Only to the mirror...
Throw me away, you don't need pills...
Cast of this facade, You never wanted to be healed...
Not that I ever helped you in any way...
Seran-wrap and liquify, inhale and sterilize...
Caught up in the malevolent truth of your high...
Don't ever open your eyes...
Another hit for another lie,
One last pill and pack up and fly...
Labeled and loved,
Clique and rise...
Above and outta reach, but I always got you high...
Don't ever open your eyes...
A blank stare, covered by blonde hair.
A track to the vein to increase your beauty.
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Post by bloodredtears on Feb 25, 2004 10:41:54 GMT -5
wow...that's an amazing poem...very well written...i love the bits of rhyming tossed in there...very effective...great job!
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Post by richie on Feb 25, 2004 14:13:24 GMT -5
lovely poem well crafted and full of rich implecation
regards Richie.
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Post by JosephScottMorris on Feb 25, 2004 16:40:43 GMT -5
I enjoyed reading it, thanks for sharing it, A good write! ;DJoe
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amberputis
Virtuoso
~Dreams are determined by our hearts, and our dreams design the future~
Posts: 330
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Post by amberputis on Feb 26, 2004 0:16:52 GMT -5
yes this was a very good poem. extrmemly well written, fabulous job on this one.
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Post by SilverEyes on Feb 28, 2004 1:53:46 GMT -5
Amazing write and it's wonderfully expressed.
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Post by kemleth on Feb 28, 2004 10:46:27 GMT -5
Whats wonderfully expressed?
What makes the implication so rich?
what am I implying?
Come on people, stop giving the same robot answers over and over again...If no one is going to post a reply that isn't longer than 2 sentences, unless to ask a question, please just dont reply. I want to see how many people are realy reading my posts and actualy want to discuss the nature of the poem. If none of you have anything to say then fine, no problem, its not gonna hurt my feelings. But enough of this patronization I know this stuff is good, you dont need to convince me of that, I want to read about what you see, learn, and disagree with.
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Post by bloodredtears on Feb 28, 2004 14:58:23 GMT -5
alright, i know why you asked for that, but you have to realize, that there are alot of poets on this site that want their poetry to be read, because we make robotic answers does not mean we did not read the poem...if we took the time to write out a paragraph after each poem we would not have time to read all of the beautiful poetry on this site...and you're not the only one who gets those comments....
but, since you asked for it....
this poem is obviously about drugs, and the person who is trying to get "clean", but no matter how much they try they keep going back to it, because it has such a strong hold on them. they want to put it out of their reach but can never put it high enough....
a wonderful message in and of itself...and the absolute truth about people with drug habits
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Post by richie on Feb 28, 2004 15:27:28 GMT -5
Kemleth, I am locking this post, if it is not possible for you to be civil to people offering you encouraging comments then people will stop commenting on your poems I found your remarks very upsetting, if you wish a full critique on your poems then why post them here and not in the critique forum. I am pleased you know your poems are good-if you want to know what -rich with Implication and wonderfully expressed meen I should try [poetry free for all] those academic's there will put you right on your poems.
if I see any more unpleasent replies to poets giving you comments on your work it will be deleted at once by me.
regards Richie.
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Post by SilverEyes on Feb 28, 2004 15:30:31 GMT -5
If I had the time to write a paragrapgh comment on each poem here I would but I really don't have the time for that. Just because we only write a sentence doesn't mean we don't read or contemplate the deeper meaning of the poem.
You asked what I meant by wonderfully expressed and here it is: your diction, format, and the flow of the words help to illustrate your message. To me, that message is that someone is watching a loved one kill themselves with drugs because he or she thinks it makes them more beautiful and attractive to others. Therefore, they'll be happier but the narrator sees them as beautiful already and can't understand why he or her own love is not enough.
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