asleep by the ocean

[pig]

asleep by the ocean,
inside its motion.
it speaks the truth
it talks in lies
it doesnt matter
if you listen to your mind

morning brings...

a good time to hope and
a good time to smoke and
good times are so, so hard to find
when your awake, you dont listen
to your mind

you can...

sleep all night, you can sleep all day,
im happy for you,
just wake me
when you wake.
or kiss my eyes,
you can leave me to my dream
sometimes its all just too beautiful for me

so i stay...

asleep by the ocean,
inside it motion,
in sleep i find hope and
in my mind
we sleep forever
as we breathe in with the tide.

sleep all night, you can sleep all day,
im happy for you,
just wake me
when you wake.
or kiss my eyes,
you can leave me to my dream
sometimes its all just too beautiful for me

[Eclipse]

when your awake, you dont listen
to your mind

i loved those lines. it flows like a song. it's an incredibly beautiful piece. i love your style.

[pig]

thank you for taking the time to comment on it. im glad you like the style and the flow. i was clutching at tranquility, at forgetting problems. i was unsure if i pulled it off. i thought "sometimes its all just too beautiful for me" was a bit cheesy.

[amelie]

again, lovely poem. i dont think that line is cheesy because it is the context of the poem as a whole, which doesnt come across as sentimnental, just gentle. the repetition works here in that it does give the poem a musical quality, like a refrain, and you were careful not to overdo it

[NeverMore]

I really enjoyed this work, a good write. Though I have a suggestion for you to try. Take out the word "and" in several places, at the end of lines, see if you like it that way. For me, I know not for all, the word "and" is not needed in some places, just a thought. But like I said, I enjoyed this one *S*

[Mikepoet]

Beautif moment to picture..a romance in a Natural setting and a sense of peace..You are a romantic..