Killing Me (out of place)

[imaginary goddess #5]

killing me / out of place (which name?)
august 11, 2003

Out of place, out of place
As the titian sun rose from its bed
The horizon mantling with crimson
Shades of ruby blood dripping downward
Rays capturing birds chirping in the sunshine

You were beating me
Bruising me, hurting me
Killing me.

Something was out of place
When the dawn reddened with pulchritude
Then the dream came to me wave upon wave
Sensations so real that couldn't be bourn
Voracious emotions unsatisified, unsatible

Something was out of place
As the dream that awoke me revived
Refreshing my memory with this dread
I used to be so acute, so persceptive
Yet, this sudden apparition knocked me down

You were beating me
Bruising me, hurting me
Killing me.

It was out of place, this feeling
I knew as soon I comprehended it
Yet, I had to believe it wasn't true
The risque lies endlessly taunted me
The images so eloquent, vivid, dramatic

It was out of place, this feeling
This utter clarity, the broken heart
Hope and integrity won't save me now
Imprisoned between these emotions so strong
Nothing defies the truth; lies ceaselessly weave

Out of place, out of place
Desperation lines every motive, every plot
Rain falls with sorrow and all the hurts
And in that moment of time, the world
Stopped almost suddenly, simply because:

You were beating me
Bruising me, hurting me
Killing me ...

[SilverEyes]

Another wonderful write. The descriptions remind me of the style of ancient myths. I think the better title would be "Killing Me." Once again, great write.

[Chaotic_Thetis]

Yes i agree with the title being "Killing Me" calling it "out of place" would be an over use of repition which you have used quite effectively already within the piece. A very descriptive write and nicely done ^_^

[bloodredtears]

i very much enjoyed this piece..it was wonderfully written..and i have to agree that "killing me" is the better of the two because it isn't repeated as often in the piece, again good job!

[Eclipse]

another vote for "Killing me". a beautiful write. your descriptions are perfect.

[JosephScottMorris]

I like your poem and agree with the prior suggestions,Thanks for sharing it! ;DJoe