Avatre
Novice
Just around for the words...^.^
Posts: 33
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Post by Avatre on Feb 2, 2004 21:11:13 GMT -5
Immortal Love
Breathe in, breathe out All that’s left in me My heart slowly stops Soon I cease to be
I’m fading away As eternity goes by fast I thought I had forever I knew I could not last
But I’m dying Lying gasping in pain Looking up at the sky in sorrow Trying to imagine you again
Every night I try and seek you To step inside your dreams To find happiness for a moment Until dawn and I leave
And so I wait Until you go back to the start Where you find me Dying of a broken heart
A/N: This was inspired by Arwen's love for Aragorn-or on a less personal level, a general what-it-must-be-like-to-fade. I actually didn't think it turned out to great...I'll probably come back to it sometime to tweak it out.
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Post by bloodredtears on Feb 2, 2004 22:08:14 GMT -5
i really like this ...the only thing i would change is the last stanza...it sounds a little funny the bit about going back to the start...as in starting over again?? other than that i thought this was awesome! great job
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Post by richie on Feb 3, 2004 8:38:45 GMT -5
Great poem [the last stanza is rich and rewarding in perfect flow and rhyme] richie.
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Post by SilverEyes on Feb 3, 2004 17:52:08 GMT -5
I can definitely see this from Arwen's point of view. Nice write.
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Post by serenepoetress on Feb 3, 2004 21:14:28 GMT -5
I do not know who Arwen is, but I do know what I like...and I like this poem...
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sweetest17sin
Virtuoso
don't frown! you never know who's falling in love with your smile!
Posts: 252
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Post by sweetest17sin on Feb 12, 2004 1:02:30 GMT -5
aw, i thought it was really good just the way it is!
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Chaotic_Thetis
Apprentice
Bleed me! For i have witnessed yet remained silent.Slay me! For i had your love and kept it.
Posts: 142
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Post by Chaotic_Thetis on Feb 15, 2004 10:47:14 GMT -5
I agree basically with what's already been said, nicely done.
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amberputis
Virtuoso
~Dreams are determined by our hearts, and our dreams design the future~
Posts: 330
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Post by amberputis on Feb 15, 2004 15:45:29 GMT -5
good
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