somaybeitsme
Novice
"I have my eyes and you have your eyes to see completely two different things"
Posts: 13
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Post by somaybeitsme on Dec 6, 2003 2:39:39 GMT -5
forwarning-my stuff is very deep, and i'm not afraid to tell like it is...
The Virgin-Whore Complex
I lost one of my ribs. You ate it all up Taste so delicious I can still see the residue Of barbeque sauce Around your crusty lips.
I can’t breathe Your naked body Crushes me. Our sweaty skin Melting together Like candle wax Heaping on your steel shovel And you dig Dig, Dig. Trying to get deep inside Something that will burn you first. Pull you apart. Thin like paper. I could rip you up in pieces But you already knocked Down my precious cherry tree- With a bloody ax. Still I wonder Whose blood was that To shine on an illuminating piece Of sharp metal That smashed every luscious cherry Into a muddy swamp Of black maggots and slimy parasites Feeding off your manhood. A withering cross And shield Protecting Your valuable trinkets Of fine tarnished jewels A rubbish prospect You can see it- Beauty In a twisting kaleidoscope Moving on To more bright colors Appealing to the eyes As the crackling sound Of bones scratches Your eardrums With a painful sound Of love, And You Broke My rib The only part That I ever had To show my fearless face The lost identity That I never had As you ate up Every piece That you could get A hold of Just so you Could say- “I told you so”
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Post by leash on Dec 6, 2003 3:37:05 GMT -5
such vivid imagery..
i especially liked
great work. you really know how to keep a readers attention!
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Post by Persephone on Dec 6, 2003 5:02:40 GMT -5
Very realistic take on romance.
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Skye
Novice
MeRrY cHrIsTmAs!!!
Posts: 18
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Post by Skye on Dec 7, 2003 12:48:10 GMT -5
hmm...I guess.... interesting...
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NakidThursday
Novice
okash*ta tsumi wa kaerezu ((DIR EN GREY))
Posts: 1
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Post by NakidThursday on Dec 7, 2003 18:01:10 GMT -5
yeah, nice images... pretty dark, but thats what youre going for, ne?
later chief
nekie
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somaybeitsme
Novice
"I have my eyes and you have your eyes to see completely two different things"
Posts: 13
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Post by somaybeitsme on Dec 7, 2003 23:10:03 GMT -5
you have to read between the lines to really understand what this poem is about -M.
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Post by bloodredtears on Dec 11, 2003 11:32:33 GMT -5
wow...this was very dark indeed...the imagery was spectacular...great job!
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Post by John Barnett on Jan 6, 2004 13:23:23 GMT -5
Well, this is certainly a very interesting piece that makes you look at things differently. Well done. Keep it up!
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amberputis
Virtuoso
~Dreams are determined by our hearts, and our dreams design the future~
Posts: 330
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Post by amberputis on Jan 11, 2004 16:40:08 GMT -5
very nice, i was amused the whole time when reading it, very cool...let me know when you have more, i guess I'll say, "strong - passionate writes" lol...anyways great job
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Post by T.J. Barber on Jan 13, 2004 18:42:55 GMT -5
However may controversial this may be I apologize for not replying sooner. This is a fact that I have tried to bring out now for about a year. This was a great write. Tj
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Post by SilverEyes on Jan 15, 2004 18:35:56 GMT -5
Dark and twisted with powerful, graphic imagery, I like it.
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Post by shadowling on Jan 17, 2004 13:04:04 GMT -5
the darkness and the imagry twist to form a very strong poem here. very nicely done very deep.
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Post by Sathien on Jan 24, 2004 14:58:55 GMT -5
substance man, you got it. blew my mind. brilliant write. just brilliant.
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Eclipse
Apprentice
It's not a matter of luck, it's just a matter of time.
Posts: 222
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Post by Eclipse on Jan 29, 2004 18:42:41 GMT -5
you really captured my attention. this piece forces the reader to read between the lines. it's really amazing. the imagery in this is dark....heh i like it. very cool write.
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