swimming in my mind

rinna(on leave...for eternity)
Poet Laureate

MIA Quitter

surfninja

Posts: 610

swimming in my mind Apr 28, 2004 22:44:25 GMT -5

Quote

Post by rinna(on leave...for eternity) on Apr 28, 2004 22:44:25 GMT -5

Swimming in my mind
My tortured conscience
Screams so shrill into the night
Hot pokers in my ribs
I fall to my knees
I am spent
Swimming in my mind
I run like the wind
So sick of being hunted
What I'd give to be caught
Mounted as a token of your success
My endless failure to please you
Swimming in my mind
I turn to face you
My demons have devoured me
I am not afraid of you
Finally, I float

'this life, well it's slipping right through my hands...these days turned out nothing like i had planned...'

bloodredtears Legend I don't entirely think I've had enough rum to allow that kind of talk. Posts: 1,164	swimming in my mind May 4, 2004 10:53:05 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by bloodredtears on May 4, 2004 10:53:05 GMT -5 sweet...very dark here...i really enjoyed it...great job!
	Poetry copyright of Bloodredtears Summer has flown its nest, as the days swiftly turn to fall and we start to roost in the bosom of winter.

rinna(on leave...for eternity) Poet Laureate MIA Quitter surfninja Posts: 610	swimming in my mind May 4, 2004 18:32:52 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by rinna(on leave...for eternity) on May 4, 2004 18:32:52 GMT -5 brt, thanks! x rinna x
	'this life, well it's slipping right through my hands...these days turned out nothing like i had planned...'

Seth Virtuoso Root Beer Float Play something country! Posts: 411	swimming in my mind Nov 30, 2004 20:28:11 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Seth on Nov 30, 2004 20:28:11 GMT -5 Cool! I love everything about this -Your words, your flow... just awesome.
	"I see the eternal misery. I feel the caress of beauty around me. I dream of the colors in your crystalized fantasy... Hoping one day, I'll be swept away from reality...

_black phoenix_ Apprentice .:burning butterfly:. Posts: 76	swimming in my mind Nov 30, 2004 22:24:03 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by _black phoenix_ on Nov 30, 2004 22:24:03 GMT -5 nicely done. i think that some punctuation and stanza breaks would help out your readers with the flow a bit more, but other than that i enjoyed it much.
	[glow=silver,4,500]"You can't kill me / cause im already inside you" - Slipknot[/glow]

QueenofDarkness Novice Posts: 52	swimming in my mind Dec 7, 2004 15:00:27 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by QueenofDarkness on Dec 7, 2004 15:00:27 GMT -5 VERY NICELY DONE!!! I really enjoyed this piece and actually felt the darkness flowing out of it. Jeana
	QueenofDarkness only to be loved

rinna(on leave...for eternity)
Poet Laureate

MIA Quitter

surfninja

Posts: 610

swimming in my mind Dec 7, 2004 15:05:02 GMT -5

Quote

Post by rinna(on leave...for eternity) on Dec 7, 2004 15:05:02 GMT -5

hey all,

thanks for the kind words. it's an old piece that i swept under the rug, lol.

leash, you're right. i'm running dry these days, i may just go through my old work and neaten it up a bit, tweak, perhaps. i had an aversion to skipping punctuation...LOL!

cheers,
rinns

'this life, well it's slipping right through my hands...these days turned out nothing like i had planned...'

swimming in my mind

Post by rinna(on leave...for eternity) on Apr 28, 2004 22:44:25 GMT -5

Post by bloodredtears on May 4, 2004 10:53:05 GMT -5

Post by rinna(on leave...for eternity) on May 4, 2004 18:32:52 GMT -5

Post by Seth on Nov 30, 2004 20:28:11 GMT -5

Post by _black phoenix_ on Nov 30, 2004 22:24:03 GMT -5

Post by QueenofDarkness on Dec 7, 2004 15:00:27 GMT -5

Post by rinna(on leave...for eternity) on Dec 7, 2004 15:05:02 GMT -5