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Post by Sathien on Mar 1, 2004 13:41:46 GMT -5
That faithful gown her body wore:
scarlet blooms in petals' show'r;
frills and laces, gems and stones,
of rarest kind - a meek contour.
Enticing lips so innocently stained
with intoxicating wine of velvet maize.
A feverish kiss - an earthly myth,
a slithering poison running deep.
His mortal tongue can never sate
the endless song that held their fate;
can never follow the deity's tune
as hungry mouths recite the rune.
A thrust of madness, thrust of lust;
All universal matters veer to dust.
Burning touches sealed their doom
The price for pleasure before them looms.
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Post by SilverEyes on Mar 1, 2004 16:50:55 GMT -5
I love the descriptions, especially those in the first stanza. I like how you illustrated the consequences too because it's rare to see. Nice write.
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amberputis
Virtuoso
~Dreams are determined by our hearts, and our dreams design the future~
Posts: 330
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Post by amberputis on Mar 1, 2004 22:05:28 GMT -5
well done
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Post by JosephScottMorris on Mar 1, 2004 23:13:23 GMT -5
Excellent write,great image details.Thanks for sharing it! ;DJoe
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sweetest17sin
Virtuoso
don't frown! you never know who's falling in love with your smile!
Posts: 252
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Post by sweetest17sin on Mar 1, 2004 23:35:25 GMT -5
i love the flow of this poem! nice job!
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Post by kemleth on Mar 2, 2004 16:28:27 GMT -5
I love how you depicted them having to take responsiblity in the end. Very nice, and at the same time very true.
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Post by John Barnett on Mar 2, 2004 16:32:34 GMT -5
Great job, I really liked this one.
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Post by Alex'z Death Chic on Mar 3, 2004 8:50:40 GMT -5
oooh! me like!!! I love the title too... fits perfectly with the poem. Hmm.. why is it that its always that you want something you can't have or something that's forbidden to have? Adam and Eve! That's what I was thinking when I read this...
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Post by ::..::FoX::..:: on Mar 6, 2004 13:59:16 GMT -5
I like this one too myself. Nice title. Good job on the images too, excellent write.
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Eclipse
Apprentice
It's not a matter of luck, it's just a matter of time.
Posts: 222
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Post by Eclipse on Mar 6, 2004 15:56:01 GMT -5
i really enjoyed this too. The poem flows very well. Lovely write
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Post by X x K e l Z x X on Mar 8, 2004 19:37:34 GMT -5
Yes this poem does flow extremely well, it just pours out, great write.
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Post by Sathien on Mar 9, 2004 8:59:23 GMT -5
wow. thanks for the reviews. glad you liked it. ;D
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