-the sea goddess / broken angel-

[leash]

a broken angel lies upon the golden shores,
spilling her pain
and bloodying the sea.

a shattered reflection stares back her,
disjointed and lost..
her tears gently ripple the crimson waves.

the sea goddess bends down to her naked prisoner,
hatefully licking the tainted flesh,
letting her tongue slide over every imperfection.

bowing down before her mistress,
the angel tastes the blood she has spilled,
choking on its filth.

the sea goddess suddenly explodes with white light,
engulfing the angel in a nimbus of pure energy.
a painful moan escapes her lips as she falls to the blood-encrusted sand.

the broken angel lies upon the golden shores,
drowning in her last moment.

____________
this is actually a revision of a poem i did in early 2002. i was hoping to make this piece more seductive(for lack of a better word) and was wondering if you guys have any suggestions? im pretty open to anything. also, does master work for females? should i be using mistress instead?

thanks for reading. : )


edit: master -> mistress.

[T.J. Barber]

Well, this was certainly interesting. I think that you have a certain talent. One that most people might find odd and slitely skewed. However, I loved this poem. It was so intriguing that I could feel myself jumping out of my flesh. It was eerie in an intense way.

Great Job, TJ

[SilverEyes]

I think you should use mistress instead; it would make more sense. Anyway, a very entertaining poem and certainly intriging.

[leash]

thanks for the feedback guys.. im happy you enjoyed it.

[John Barnett]

This was a very nice piece, and you do have a unique talent leash.

[serenepoetress]

This piece summoned such breathtaking images within my mind as I read it! I applaud this piece! It is truly divine, and not just because it has an angel in it. also, mistress rather than master.

[imaginary goddess #5]

eerie? definately. The imagery during this read were extraordinary, if a bit disturbing. however I would say this is quite different from seductive, however sensual in a sense. Thanks for sharing.
- Lianna

[Seth]

I definitely agree with everyone, such a wonderful write...

[JosephScottMorris]

I think this is a great write, with its intriging yet,sensual
in its own imagery, and very creative!Thanks for sharing it! ;DJoe