A Clouds Pain

[bloodredtears]

A Cloud's Pain

a cloud descends on the ocean
overtaking the salty sea
it roils and toils and spills forth its tears
allowing everyone a look at its pain
but the cloud will soon dissipate
as clouds are very wont to do
and then the pain will be washed away with the tide
to dry upon the land it was born

[leash]

i love poetry involving the ocean or rain..

i think this poem would have been more effective if you had cut it off after line four. those first four lines are perfect. you dont need anything more to accomplish your goal.

beautiful work, bloodred.

[Persephone]

I like the imagery and the allusion to pain.

[bloodredtears]

thanks again, both of you...i really appreciate the critique of my poetry...you have some great suggestions...but i like this one the way it is...i've grown quite attached to this piece...thanks again!

[SilverEyes]

Cool idea and I can see why you like those last two lines but I can see the other view too.

[richie]

I liked this too, very clever and well laid out.
regards richie

[bloodredtears]

thanks all!

[T.J. Barber]

You should be very attached to this one Kris. It's is a wonderful piece. The description of how the rains pain is the rain and it's dried upon the sands it was born from. This was a great work of true art. Good job

[NeverMore]

At first reading, I did not understand the wording of this one. Mind you, after reading it slower and closely, I simply smiled. Living on the ocean as I do and where it rains a great deal, I slipped into many thoughts of a peaceful sort. I definitly like how your works seem to have that quality *S*

[bloodredtears]

thanks TJ, thanks Joe, i want to live on the ocean so bad...i've never even seen the ocean...south dakota is quite landlocked *insert wry smile* i'm glad this piece made you smile!