Words Wilted Away

[PoeticWarfare]

A monotone chorus of things better left unsaid
The sun kissing the horizon, turning the sky red
Walking away from it all, nothing left for me here
Except for a distant memory from a time I held you so near

Trying to keep my head up high, trying not to show what I feel
Content in knowing that what I felt for you will always be real
Everything is gone, even my words have wilted away
It would take a miracle, but I wish that somehow I could make you stay

You tell me how sick you are of my f*cking lullabies
As I wish to say how I hate to see tears form within your eyes
Burying a finger in my chest, telling me that I don't understand
Wondering what makes me feel like our time together has waned

I just didn't want to lie to you anymore about the things I need
And my love for you continues on, clinging to you in selfish greed

[angel]

I like your opening stanza, but I would take out "so" in the last sentence "so near." It would flow better...you dont have to change it if you dont want to, I dont want to rip your poem apart in any way.

I also enjoyed your last stanza.

If you know me, you would know that I am very picky about rhyming poems. Like I said, the first and last stanzas were good, I liked the way that those flowed, even with the rhyming. The rest, the rhyming seemed forced, and it also distracted me from the meaning. If I ignore the distraction, then I really like the jist of it. I like the meaning that you put in it, and you made me feel it. All in all, nice job.

[Mikepoet]

It's so hard to give up something we have, even if it is not what we need. For me anyway it's hard to let a sure love go if it means I will be without for a while. It's the time I spend trying to understand what I need to do to run smooth with person. When you break up then all the effort and time is waited.

[Alex'z Death Chic]

I agree with angel about the "so" in "so near"... but I loved the poem.... I envy people who can rhyme

[John Barnett]

Very good again Jason