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Post by InfatuatedLoner on Nov 30, 2004 22:37:54 GMT -5
First poem I post on here! Woot! LoL! Hope you enjoy! Title: In Style There's a sorrow, That's hanging over my head. Tears of fear, Are trailing all my dignity, And those brown eyes have betrayed me. My hands are moving, Much to my chargin. I can't stop what they want to do. So my finger is placed on the 45's triggar. Here's to mommy and daddy. Here's to the both of you. You've killed my goals, And crushed my past, Became insensible. Now I'll take my life. I hope I make you proud. I hope this bullet makes it right through. Nice and clean, Isn't that the way daddy? No mess? Mommy, You better start crying. Cause this is your fault more then ever. You watched him raise his fist, But you were to drunk, To even care. And now for the finish. One loud bang, A cheesy grin, And tears of fear. I always wanted to go out in style. ~Loner
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Seth
Virtuoso
Root Beer Float
Play something country!
Posts: 411
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Post by Seth on Nov 30, 2004 22:45:00 GMT -5
There's a sorrow, That's hanging over my head. Tears of fear, Are trailing all my dignity, And those brown eyes have betrayed me. And now for the finish. One loud bang, A cheesy grin, And tears of fear. I always wanted to go out in style. ~Loner Stellar piece, loner... Love the flow and wording here-- the ending is absolutely phenomenal. Cool write, my friend.
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Post by InfatuatedLoner on Dec 1, 2004 22:11:40 GMT -5
Thank you very much, Seth! The end came to me in a dream... LoL! No, really! Just before I woke up from a suicidal dream I said, "I always wanted to go out in style." Eh, creepy... Take care! ~Loner
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Mwalvbk
Apprentice
I came from the fire, now I'm here to burn
Posts: 111
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Post by Mwalvbk on Dec 3, 2004 15:29:48 GMT -5
This is nice, great work Loner, this piece was well written.
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Post by Alex'z Death Chic on Dec 3, 2004 18:53:26 GMT -5
made me smile... it was a nice write... sassy... heheh.. in a good way... i just loved the last stanza
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Post by InfatuatedLoner on Dec 4, 2004 13:54:08 GMT -5
Thanks, and I'm glad you liked! Take care all! ~Loner
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