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Post by desecration on Jul 12, 2004 2:32:17 GMT -5
Angels of blood and grit Rancid breath sweet on twisted lips Of the devil’s prized hounds. Bloated bodies and ripped flesh Floating through nightmares of children Whose daddies had too much to drink, And too many ladies With chipped fingernails and haunted eyes That hold the essence of hell in their screams, Before returning to an aching home Riddled with the sluggish emptiness Capable of penetrating even the most jaded DSS worker And dissolving all reason behind antiseptic texts. A home constructed of animal musk, Lined with pillars of red-painted knives, And moth-eaten curtains of billowing ash. The children arch and moan beneath demonic fingers Plying their innocence away from shivering skeletons. As their memories swirl through images of bleeding women And greasy stubble flavored with gin and tobacco Their angels stand motionless with toothy sabers Slicked with eternity’s frigid fire. But they are naught but imaginings and cannot interfere. As their youthful charges are broken and broken again, Beneath the stoic gazes of angels of blood and grit Who are naught but the devil’s prized hounds Wandering in such regrettable disguise.
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Post by angel on Jul 12, 2004 22:59:10 GMT -5
wow, this is a really dark piece. At least I interpreted it that way. Gave me some gross images, and if that was your intent, you did an awesome job...at one point it even made me shiver. Nice job placing images through your work
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Post by desecration on Jul 12, 2004 23:33:26 GMT -5
thank you. it was.
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Seth
Virtuoso
Root Beer Float
Play something country!
Posts: 411
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Post by Seth on Jul 19, 2004 11:09:18 GMT -5
Quite the grim read, though I truly and utterly loved this. Amazing and engrossing... Wow...
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Post by _black phoenix_ on Jul 20, 2004 14:50:47 GMT -5
I found that your thoughts/images didn't really work together in the first half of the poem. It sounds like you had a whole ton of good ideas and just sort of slapped them together.. Theres no flow. I don't know, maybe all you need is some more punctuation.. It can really make a big difference sometimes.
I like the darkness of this piece. It has some very strong images that i enjoyed. Creative.
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Post by desecration on Jul 21, 2004 1:53:33 GMT -5
thank you for the comments.
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Post by alostandbrokensoul on Aug 1, 2004 12:00:27 GMT -5
All i can say is WOW!!!!
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Post by desecration on Aug 1, 2004 22:25:36 GMT -5
thank you.
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