Before I Die

[angel]

I wanted this to be a lot more intense than what I feel it is, so I can use all of the critiquing your lil heart can handle.

I want to ask one question:
What happened?
How did I lose everyone's respect?
Why did everyone turn their backs on me?
School to me used to be filled with friends,
Love,
Happiness.
Now it is just filled with loneliness,
Hurt,
Mistrust.
So if all of you could do just a little favor,
Look through the halls,
And find the eyes of unhappiness.
Don't judge them on the spot.
Actually talk to them and get to know them.
Take them in your wing.
Then over time,
Maybe even to your surprise,
They in return,
Will take you,
Into their wing.

10-25-03

[X x K e l Z x X]

Very sad and depressing, fitting for this board, good job!

[bloodredtears]

i think this has a good amount of intensity...the beginning especially had it, the ending wasnt' as intense...maybe instead of taking into your wing something like save them from themselves or their nightmares...i dont' know, not really my place to change it...but if you want more intensity something alluding to danger or death usually does the trick...this is wonderful as is, though,.... great job!

[angel]

aaaaah, thank you. I should of actually put this in the "critique" section though...thank you for the advice!