trying for a vision

[Sathien]

Trying for a Vision


she pressed her cheek on the wooden planks
and tried to see the light beneath the closed door
her eyes big and searching
and searching
and squinting
and shutting

hard

ink blots on the ground
that swallowed all the light
and she couldn't accept it
so she pressed her cheek

harder

on the cold wooden floor
and forced the thought
of warm hands soothing
and soothing
and caring
and cuddling

soft

pools of fresh water
that reflected all the light
that she could accept
so she curled up and smiled

softer

on the same wooden floor
where she blocked the thoughts
of darkness
of stones
of the cold

rocking back and forth

hard and soft

harder and softer

feeding herself
her light, her lie.

[bloodredtears]

wow...wonderful style in this one...i really enjoyed that few lines that repeated, it gave a good effect to the whole piece..great job sathien!

[Deleted]

To me it was a tad bit emotional - not teary-eyed stuff or anything, but, yeah, depressing. Great job.

[X x K e l Z x X]

Very good, I loved the format, good job!

[SilverEyes]

I like the format of this and the description of the wooden floor. I know just how hard wooden floors are and how cold. Reading this just made me feeling the physical sensation of lying with my cheek touching a cold floor.