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Post by amelie on Mar 8, 2004 21:25:59 GMT -5
Tongue lashing, eyes flashing,
Venom spitting, hard hitting,
Lovers lying, love is dying,
Heart racing, fury pacing,
Won’t give in, I won’t give in,
Vengeful pride now kicking in,
Nothing but the will to win,
And never count the cost
Tears spilling, unwilling,
Knee bending, never ending,
Pain nursing, more cursing,
Bitter twisting, insisting,
Got you there, I got you there
Laying bare your faults so glare
Until I see that tearful stare
And then I know I’ve lost
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Eclipse
Apprentice
It's not a matter of luck, it's just a matter of time.
Posts: 222
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Post by Eclipse on Mar 8, 2004 21:36:19 GMT -5
I like it!! It's like an arguement going on, because of the rhyme scheme and beat of the poem. Very nicely done.
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sweetest17sin
Virtuoso
don't frown! you never know who's falling in love with your smile!
Posts: 252
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Post by sweetest17sin on Mar 11, 2004 23:03:34 GMT -5
wow. powerful poem. great job!
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amberputis
Virtuoso
~Dreams are determined by our hearts, and our dreams design the future~
Posts: 330
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Post by amberputis on Mar 14, 2004 8:58:21 GMT -5
the rhyming was great! you did a wonderful job! keep it up!
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Seth
Virtuoso
Root Beer Float
Play something country!
Posts: 411
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Post by Seth on Mar 16, 2004 12:56:49 GMT -5
Yes, I loved this very much. I loved the last line a lot.
Terrific write.
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Post by X x K e l Z x X on Apr 1, 2004 20:10:04 GMT -5
Terrific fits this, this was moving and I felt it
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Post by SilverEyes on Jun 14, 2004 15:45:10 GMT -5
I like the face pace of this piece and the dramatic change in feeling in the two stanzas. Nice.
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Kami
Novice
Posts: 6
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Post by Kami on Jun 27, 2004 19:12:41 GMT -5
Short, sharp and to the razor-sharp point.
Been there, done that.
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Post by Alex'z Death Chic on Jul 4, 2004 4:40:19 GMT -5
my god... *bows to melis* I worship you.
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Mikhael
Novice
...and love is not a victory march/it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah...
Posts: 30
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Post by Mikhael on Jul 12, 2004 22:18:04 GMT -5
that's really cool. the first few lines i thought you were stretching it with the rhymes, but the second four lines were very nice, and after that i really enjoyed it, especially how you tied the two together. this is a good poem, not just technically, but the tone is fierce and really gets a point across.
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Post by desecration on Jul 12, 2004 22:32:47 GMT -5
very intense and very cool.
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