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Post by Tempest on Feb 13, 2004 18:39:08 GMT -5
A/N: Once again I wasn't sure
where to post one of my poems.
So yea, I guess it fits here. Read
and enjoy!
:-*Much love, Tempest
Deadly Game
Pieces move across the board
Strategically trapping their prey
Charades it seems
Putting up a wall;
A mask
To hide the true intentions.
Don’t trust too fast,
Or too much
The person you call friend.
In an instant
Friends can betray.
It’s a deadly game,
Only one
That none can win.
So try as you might,
Letting lose all your cunning plans.
And in the end
When nothing is gained,
All is lost,
Don’t cry to me
For you chose to play
The game.
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Post by SilverEyes on Feb 13, 2004 23:36:28 GMT -5
This reminds me of chess. Interesting write with a nice flow.
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Post by bloodredtears on Feb 14, 2004 3:11:32 GMT -5
this reminds me of my life..great job...it's true that you have to be cautious...it seems if one little thing goes awry something that you thought would last forever is gone..
this poem is really really good! keep it up!
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Chaotic_Thetis
Apprentice
Bleed me! For i have witnessed yet remained silent.Slay me! For i had your love and kept it.
Posts: 142
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Post by Chaotic_Thetis on Feb 15, 2004 9:20:56 GMT -5
Heh i too felt reminded of chess, although i related most strategic games to chess ~shrugs~
However, it has to be said that there are a number of poems that circle around the same topic. Try hitting the real core of "friendship turned betrayal" I think you're edging close, but you're losing the sense of poetry
It doesn't seem to be from the heart, which isn't saying it's bad in any way. It just makes it seem as though you're trying to get people to relate when you're not expressing your own personal views on the matter.
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amberputis
Virtuoso
~Dreams are determined by our hearts, and our dreams design the future~
Posts: 330
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Post by amberputis on Feb 15, 2004 15:31:18 GMT -5
I guess I have to agree about not expressing your own personal matters, but then again you might of wrote it just for that reason, not directing it towards you, not for personal matters, which is better than fine too. Interesting write.  |
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Eclipse
Apprentice
It's not a matter of luck, it's just a matter of time.
Posts: 222
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Post by Eclipse on Feb 16, 2004 19:58:54 GMT -5
A warning to watch your back. and it's true, friends can betray. I enjoyed this. nice write =)
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Post by richie on Feb 18, 2004 13:44:37 GMT -5
intresting read, you have the sense of place in this [very differcult] and imargery [drawing the reader in] good work.
regards Richie.
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Post by JosephScottMorris on Feb 23, 2004 1:17:06 GMT -5
Tempest,
Hello, I enjoyed reading your poem, it has a good message, and also written well, as it is.Keep writing! ;DJoe
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Post by John Barnett on Feb 24, 2004 14:51:54 GMT -5
Great message Tempest
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