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Post by Tania on Jan 25, 2004 22:39:33 GMT -5
Hello pain
You've come again
Your stilleto very fine
Blood on your fingers
Feelings on the line
You crpet into my
nighmares
And played your party games
My enemies ...
Lined up and gave you
their names
Guide me to the vortex where are no souls
My dreams are not whole
Sweating blood of
self-deceit
You crept on panther feet
Hello friend you're
here again
Salving my nightmares with delecious pain
Tania
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Post by bloodredtears on Jan 25, 2004 23:29:02 GMT -5
very intersting piece here...i really like the first two lines...the rest follows nicely, but some lines seem a little abrupt...other than that it's great!
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Post by SilverEyes on Jan 26, 2004 16:36:20 GMT -5
Nice, i love the comparision of pain to a stiletto and also the "sweating blood of self-deceit."
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Post by serenepoetress on Jan 28, 2004 15:51:34 GMT -5
A gripping rapport with pain well depicted...
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Eclipse
Apprentice
It's not a matter of luck, it's just a matter of time.
Posts: 222
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Post by Eclipse on Jan 29, 2004 13:58:47 GMT -5
I like the description of pain in this piece.
Sweating blood of
self-deceit
You crept on panther feet
^^fav lines. really caught my eye. cool write. =)
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Post by T.J. Barber on Feb 3, 2004 11:32:46 GMT -5
You have a way with your words. Your original style is very becoming. I enjoyed it...I really did...Great job
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Chaotic_Thetis
Apprentice
Bleed me! For i have witnessed yet remained silent.Slay me! For i had your love and kept it.
Posts: 142
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Post by Chaotic_Thetis on Feb 17, 2004 13:47:06 GMT -5
I too liked the imagery but i felt the beginning line "Hello Pain" set off a somewhat melodramtic tone to the poem, which i find hard to get rid off till half way through where a true appreciation for your use of imagery takes over.
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Post by JosephScottMorris on Feb 23, 2004 2:01:09 GMT -5
Hello, I like your poem and agree with Kristine about some lines are abrupt a little,overall I think its a good poem! ;DJoe
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sweetest17sin
Virtuoso
don't frown! you never know who's falling in love with your smile!
Posts: 252
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Post by sweetest17sin on Feb 24, 2004 22:57:45 GMT -5
nice job here...i love how you described the pain, creeping into your nightmares, etc. nice job!
melissa!
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amberputis
Virtuoso
~Dreams are determined by our hearts, and our dreams design the future~
Posts: 330
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Post by amberputis on Feb 26, 2004 0:21:03 GMT -5
this was good ;D
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